What a load of whiny pointless dribble. 'Ooo there's this boy and I'm -so- heartbroken!!!11!1!!!' To be honest I was/thought I was (whatever) but did I really need to go ON about it so much? What an attention seeking twat.

Anyway, hi there. How are you? It's been a while, I know. There's been a lot of things. I suppose a relevant thing to previous entires is that I have a lovely little boyfriend. Little because he's short, and little because he's 16. (I am now 18, woohoo!) He's also very wonderful in that he's always there. I text him in the middle of the night and he gets up, steals his brother's phone and texts me back. I call him and say I've left my English lesson and I'm coming to visit and he puts down his paintbrush (Warhammer. Ew.) and lets me in. He'll sit and give me a cuddle when I ask him to or he'll jump about like a div. He's very there, and that's good. We've been together about 6 weeks now, it's nice

College is alright, if not a bit stressful. There are a couple of people who are just happy and keep me alright. (One of which is the whiny ex from April, believe it or not. We're both over that now ) There's my lovely Lucy who makes me giggle and takes me shopping and lets me dye her hair and be ever so girly with. There's Ayesha who gives me five minutes, then follows me to entice me out of my toilet cubicle and give me a hug. There's Eleanor who understands all about my Photography fetish and that lovely noise a real camera makes. There's Nathen with his cynical yet still loveable sense of humour who will never be the bad guy, even if he tried. Then, of course, there's my Grant with his little legs and big heart (oo cliche much) and very comfy bed. There's Mark too, the goth with the Lady GaGa obsession, and a very select few others. These people are on the 'make Emily better' wagon and they can't possibly realise how much I love each and every one of them for it.

There's this bit that I've sort of been avoiding because I don't really know how to put it. I guess I'll go the 'formal' way so I don't need to talk about it again. The day after my birthday, 15th October, at about 1/4 to 10 at night, my mum passed away to Cancer. It was peaceful enough and she had all of her most loved around her. Livvie was hysterical so I was more concerned with calming her down but then a nurse took her to a quiet room and I completely lost it. I won't go into it though. We went to see her the next day and she looked exactly like she did when she was asleep, except her hands were wrong; someone had sat them like a doll's. She had her brand new silky pyjamas on and her hair was how she liked it, and then I left. The funeral was perfect for her- the coffin had a field of daffodils printed on the side- and absolutely everyone she knew was there, including the horrible neighbours who always bitched about our dog.

I don't know if I should cry now or not. It's odd, there are times for crying and times for not. I can't really explain it. If you've ever lost someone close, maybe you know what I mean. Maybe it's just me, I don't know.

It's hard. It's very hard. I got put in for counselling this morning.. I sent off my UCAS application too. I don't know. Life's going on, just very differently.

Now is, apparently, a time for crying. It's so strange not having her around, you know? It'll sink in properly one day and I'll pobably spend a week in bed, but then life will go back to how it should be, just with one person missing. And then we'll live our lives without her. It's very, very strange.

That's about it, I suppose. Until I wander this way again


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